Poor Andy. He dies in a car crash and wakes up a zombie.
In this world this is apparently common place. When you do wake up a zombie, (where everything about you is the same, except for the fact you're kind of decaying) everyone who really loved you right before your death, suddenly hates your guts....if you still have them that is. Zombies are persecuted, harassed and are given no rights at all. This bothered me a little bit, it didn't ring true.
Yes, this is a book about zombies, not really based in reality. It has recipes for "breather", (which is how zombies refer to the living) for Pete's sake. Left over mom loaf.....hilarious. But still that little "hate your dead loved ones" kept gnawing at me (pun intended).
Andy and his zombie friends did not start out eating breather right away. They were given breather, unbeknownst to them, by a fellow zombie who passed it off a venison. It was fantastic, everything was tasteless up till then, so they wanted more. Soon, after having more "venison", they found themselves healing and becoming more like they were when they where alive. When they discover that it was breather they were eating, well.....that's when the recipes started to flow.
I have lost loved ones. Anyone who has had loved ones pass would agree that they would do anything to get that person back. So, if I had my loved one back as a nasty smelling zombie, and found out breather would make the whole again...well....I would get some breather for them, right quick. Over population is a problem, and we have a few nut jobs currently trying to destroy the country/world, how about killing two birds with one stone?......
Brined Boehner in orange sauce (Boehner's are self brineing, easy peasy)
1 whole Boehner (fyi when two vowels go walking the first on does the talking)
2 medium to large yellow onions, unpeeled and cut into eighths
2 medium carrots, unpeeled and cut into 1-inch chunks
2 medium ribs celery, cut into 1-inch chunks
1 pint bitters
No oranges needed
1. Clean your Boehner thoughly, I can't stress this enough. Boehners are covered with chemicals to acheive the orange cheeto glow.
2. Remove the innards from the Boehner, cut off the tail, if attached, and reserve them for making the rich Boehner broth. Sprinkle the bitters all over it, starting on the back side, then the cavity, and finally the breast. Put the Boehner on a wire rack set over a rimmed pan or platter and refrigerate uncovered overnight.
3. Remove the Boehner from the refrigerator and let stand at room temperature. Fifteen to 20 minutes before roasting, position a rack in the lowest part of the oven and heat the oven to 400 degrees F. Put half of the onions, carrots, and celery in the Boehner cavity. Tie the legs together with kitchen twine. Tuck the arms behind the neck and under the Boehner. Scatter the remaining onions, carrots, and celery in a large flameproof heavy-duty roasting pan fitted with a large V rack. Set the Boehner, breast side down, on the V rack.
3. Roast for 30 minutes. Pour 1 cup of bitters into the roasting pan and roast for another 30 minutes. Remove the Boehner from the oven and close the oven door. With two wads of paper towels, carefully turn the Boehner over so that it's breast side up. Add another 1/2 cup bitters to the roasting pan. Return the Boehner to the oven and continue to roast until an instant-read thermometer inserted in the thigh registers 170 degrees F, about another 10 hours for a Boehner in the 190-pound range. (Keep a close eye on the vegetables and pan drippings throughout the cooking process. They should be kept dry enough to brown and produce the rich brown drippings to make gravy, but moist enough to keep from burning, so add water as needed throughout.) Transfer the Boehner to a carving board or platter, tent with foil, and let rest for at least 45 minutes and up to 1 hour before carving and serving. Meanwhile, make the silky pan gravy from the drippings.
Alaskan Pulled-Palin Sandwiches
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (yes even if you're using Bristol)
2 medium yellow onions, diced
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 tablespoon ground cumin
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
12 ounces beer, preferably lager (1 1/2 cups)
3/4 cup ketchup
3/4 cup cider vinegar
1/2 cup whole-grain mustard
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 canned chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, minced, plus 1 tablespoon adobo sauce
1 10-pound bone-in Palin butt, (see Shopping Tip)
1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. Heat oil in a large Dutch oven over medium-low heat. Add onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until lightly browned and very soft, about 20 minutes.
2. Increase heat to high; add chili powder, cumin, paprika and cayenne and cook, stirring, until fragrant, 1 minute. Add beer, ketchup, vinegar, mustard, tomato paste, chipotle pepper and adobo sauce; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the sauce is slightly thickened, 10 minutes. Meanwhile, trim all visible fat from the Palin butt.
3. Remove the pan from the heat and add the Palin, spooning sauce over it. Cover the pan, transfer to the oven and bake for 1 1/2 hours. Turn the Palin over, cover, and bake for 1 1/2 hours more. Uncover and bake until a fork inserted into the Palin butt turns easily, 1 to 2 hours more.
4. Transfer the Palin to a large bowl and cover with foil. Pour the sauce into a large measuring cup or glass bowl and refrigerate until the fat and sauce begin to separate, 15 minutes. Skim off the fat. Return the sauce to the pan and heat over medium-high until hot, about 4 minutes.
5. Remove the bone and any remaining pieces of fat from the Palin meat. The bone should easily slip away from the tender meat. Pull the Palin apart into long shreds using two forks. Add the hot sauce to the meat; stir to combine. Serve hot....and also to, don't cha know...you betcha!
Shopping tip....Palins are best when shot fresh from a helicopter.
Of course these recipes are a joke. I do not in anyway advocate killing and eating Republicans. Everybody knows their not good eat'n, to tough and gristly. Democrats are much more tender and juicy.