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Stephaniemiller

Stephanie's books and other things

I like books. I like art. I have opinions.....you've been warned.

Currently reading

A Clash of Kings
George R.R. Martin
The Rich and the Rest of Us: A Poverty Manifesto
Tavis Smiley, Cornel West
The Wind Through the Keyhole (The Dark Tower, #4.5)
Stephen King, Jae Lee
Master Strokes: Watercolor: A Step-By-Step Guide to Using the Techniques of the Masters
Hazel Harrison
The Mad Art of Caricature!: A Serious Guide to Drawing Funny Faces
Tom Richmond (Illustrator)
Outlander - Diana Gabaldon "Oh Hello. Who are you, where did you come from and what on earth are you sitting on?"

"Hi there. Um, I'm Stephanie, I came from The United States, 2011, and I'm sitting on a time mower. I "borrowed" it from my friend Kemper, he was pretty tanked on the corn liquor and semi buried in taco wrappers...I don't think he'll notice. Who are you and when are we?"

"Claire, I came from 1945, Brittan. But from what I can tell we are in mid evil Scotland. It took me more than a minute to figure that out, days in fact. I thought these guys were just part of a big elaborate play, but it just kept going on and on, so after a few days I figured I was back in time. What's a time mower?"

"A few days? You mean the smell of those guys didn't tip you off? I know hot men in skirts can be distracting but...................anyway, Kemper had a bit of accident that involved lightning, a riding mower and a laptop. He could explain it better if he were here, but he's passed out and this baby is a one seater."

"Laptop?"

"Never mind Claire. I want to know how you ended up in mid evil Scotland?"

"Frank, my British husband and I decided to watch some witches perform a ritual at those standing stones over there and I found it so fascinating that I went back later that night. When I walked through the stones.....WOOSH! Here I was."

"Oh, you mean the Stonehenge looking thingy back there? and, wait...your "British" husband? That's an odd way to refer to him."

"That's because I have a Scottish husband as well, Jamie. He's right over there, he's the ruggedly handsome one with the red hair and the kilt."

"They all have red hair and a kilt Claire. Forget that, you can't have two husbands! It's wrong and against the law."

"Well I'm not so sure Stephanie, if Frank hasn't been born yet, how can I be married to him? I haven't even been born yet....so....that means....my head hurts. Besides, I was forced to marry him to keep Franks evil ancestor from raping me. Then they made us have lots, and I mean lots, of rough, curl your toes, barn burning, sexy-time. But since the clan leader said we had to do it, it must be morally ok. Right?"

"Hey, I am not here to judge you.....so it sounds like you...eehem...enjoyed yourself?"

"Oh lord yes! It's all we ever do now. Sex, sex, sex whenever and where ever. In fact two soldiers from Franks evil ancestors army, he's a fancy commander of some sort, walked up on us having sex by a river when we were supposed to be getting water. It was so damn good.... we had no idea, it would have been funny....but after a bunch of crazy stuff happened Jamie ended up in that jerks dungeon where he was beaten senseless and raped. But then I rescued him with cows."

"Cows? What?"

I think I better go soon, my head's starting to hurt now. I'm not sure I want to know anything else but I have to ask, aren't you worried you might get pregnant with all the sexy-time? You could give birth to your own great, great, great, great gandpa.....eww."

"Oh Frank and I tried for years, I can't get pregnant."

"Oh boy. OK. I need to get this time mower back......try not to "screw" up the space time continuum to much Claire."

............

Despite the flaws and silliness I really enjoyed the book, and will read more of the series. But I swear if you took all the sex out of this book you would be left with 150 pages.