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Stephaniemiller

Stephanie's books and other things

I like books. I like art. I have opinions.....you've been warned.

Currently reading

A Clash of Kings
George R.R. Martin
The Rich and the Rest of Us: A Poverty Manifesto
Tavis Smiley, Cornel West
The Wind Through the Keyhole (The Dark Tower, #4.5)
Stephen King, Jae Lee
Master Strokes: Watercolor: A Step-By-Step Guide to Using the Techniques of the Masters
Hazel Harrison
The Mad Art of Caricature!: A Serious Guide to Drawing Funny Faces
Tom Richmond (Illustrator)
Dragonfly in Amber - Diana Gabaldon *This review will be a little spoily, read it at your own risk*

“Ok, so I set the date on 2012….and set it for Kansas City Kansas…..Kemper’s deck. I think all I have to do is reverse the directions on Google maps on the laptop. Uh…..turn the key. Yay, it works.”

“Or I thought so, Toto I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore (had to do it!).”

“Hello Stephanie. Toto……I love the Wizard of Oz.”

“Aaaaack! Claire Beachum Randel Fraser! You just scared the piss out of me. Don’t sneak up on a person sitting on a time mower, and whisper in their ear. It’s downright creepy.” Sighs. “Hey Claire, you look a little older than the last time I saw you,moments ago , but don’t worry you still look young and fresh and beautiful.”

“Oh thank you Stephanie, I have to admit that people mention that a lot! I mean a lot! It must have been all that whiskey and malnutrition in the 1700’s that preserved me.”

“Well, Claire, could you fill me in on the when and the where this is?”

“Still in Scotland, but we’re in 1968. Frank, Brianna and I moved to the States where I became a doctor. We stayed there until Frank passed away. I brought Brianna back to get her acquainted with her roots.”

“Brianna is your daughter? Is that her over there? Wow! Tall, beautiful…..look at that mane of red hair. She looks just like her father Jam….mph…nni. “

“Keep your voice down, she doesn’t know that Frank wasn’t her biological father. I brought her here to break the news and tell her who her father really was……Jamie Frasier.”

“Get your hand off my mouth…that’s rude! Did Frank look just like Jamie?”

“No. Total opposites. Frank was short and had dark hair.”

“She doesn’t look much like you, and nothing like Frank, she is an Amazonian redhead. She didn’t once ask you about that?”

“Not once. Did I mention the whiskey and the malnutrition?”

“Claire, don’t tell me. You drank alcohol during your pregnancy? You were a trained nurse then; don’t tell me you didn’t know better!”

“Just a little…..bottle…….every day, Stephanie, we didn’t know any better back then.”

“Ok, never mind. If she never grasped the fact that Frank wasn’t her father on her own because of possible fetal alcohol syndrome, how is she supposed to understand time travel now?”

“You have a point there. Maybe I’ll find a young handsome historian to help explain things to her.”

“I don’t see the logic, but you go with it Claire. I’m afraid to ask, but what were you and Jamie up to during the rest of the time you were back in time, besides getting drunk and having lots of sex?”

“We tried to change history by joining the Jacobite cause and save a bunch of lives. We went to France to get this accomplished. I had to have sex with the King of France to get Jamie out of The Bastille; it wasn’t very good on account of his tiny penis. “

“Oh dear god…..I did ask. “

“Yes you did. And guess who we ran into? Jack Randel! Jamie wanted to kill him straight away, but I stopped him because I was afraid Frank would never be born if he killed him. Jack is Frank’s ancestor you see.”

“I see……but I thought you killed Jack Randle with cows, which didn’t seem to upset you at all at the time. Now you get all angry about it? ”

“I changed my mind. Turns out it wasn’t Jack trampled by the cows. It’s really hard to identify someone after a trampling.”

“But Claire, you tried to change the course of history without ANY concern for the consequences. Any number of people could have been born that wouldn’t have and others who were never born that should have…….and you are concerned NOW about Frank, one person, never existing? Oh my head hurts again.”

“Claire it’s been great, but I have to get this timemower back to its rightful owner, he has a short fuse. There we go……forgot to hit enter. Please, don’t mess with history anymore Claire. Promise?”

“um…..sure, Stephanie, I promise.”

“I don’t believe you……”