*Poke* *Poke* *Poke*
"AAAAHHHHHH!! What the?.....who the?....where the?"
"Stephanie wake up! It's Claire Fraser. What are you doing here? And should you be driving that contraption? You smell like a brewery!!"
"Oh Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!....whaa....I'm not *hicup* a-saxtly sure how I ended up here. Oh look..hee...hee... I'm sitting on the time mower.....Kemper ish going to be sooo pissed at me, but what else is new?....haaaaaaaa!" *slowly sides off time mower in heap*
“Claire, what happened to her?”
“Jamie....do you remember Stephanie? She’s another time traveler like me, but she’s from somewhere in the 2010’s.”
The corner of Jamie’s mouth twitched in a wry smile, “Aye, I do. I’d say that lassie is drunk!” he rubbed his knuckle on his long straight nose.
Holding my hand up “That’s because I am....very, very drunk. Ya see, I read another book *hic* in the series that has been written about your lives, A Breath of Snow and Ashes. Don’t ask me how this is poshsible, I don’t know, but it’s most likely something to do with you messing about with time. Anyhow, just for funnzies I decided to make a drinking game out of the book, whenever you said “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ” I took a shot of whiskey since you all drink the stuff like water and I thought whatzz good fer the goose is good for the gander.......Haaaaaa.......weeee!
“Why would you do that? Not a wise move if you asked me, I say that ALL the time.” Said Claire. “I KNOW! That was the point......Well, I didn’t ask you Claire because I don’t think you make the wisest choice with the whiskey yourself! By the way, who the hell do you think you are judging me about my alcohol consumption? Around here it’s the answer for everything. Pregnant? Drink some whiskey. Just vomited from being sedated with homemade ether? Drink some whiskey. Been gang raped? Drink some whiskey....okay that one makes sense. Whatever is going on the answer is “drink more whiskey!!” One has to admire that. It’s a damn good thing that I didn’t pick the words ‘wry, knuckle, or rubbed’ or I would be in an alcoholic coma or worse, dead.”
Jamie looked at me and narrowed his cat eyes “If our lives and the words the lady who writes these books uses bothers ya so much, why do ya keep reading them?” The corner of his mouth twitched in a wry smile and he rubbed his long straight nose with his knuckle......again.
“That’s an excellent question Jamie and I don’t have a good answer for you other then that I can’t quit you.....either of you.” *sigh*
“Awe Stephanie, that’s so sweet I could cry. I think we need to drink to that!” said Claire. “Suuure…..what’s a little more whiskey gonna hurt at this point?” Said I. Jamie pours us all a dram of whiskey, says something in Gallic, and we all drink it down in one swallow. He then rubs his long straight nose with his knuckle and smiles wryly.
“One thing I can say in the positive about the authors’, Diana Gabaldon, word choices is that she never ever uses the words ‘throbbing’ and ‘member’ together, and with all the sex scenes in all of these books that’s saying something.”
*Blushes* “She writes about…..mm hmm? What happens at night between me....and my wife?” asks Jamie. “Oh sure…between the two of you, and between Roger and Brianna, between any two people who may cross paths, I’m pretty sure that’s why so many people read the books.” I said.
“She’s also obsessed with describing hair. Seriously how many times must we hear about hair? I know everything there is to know about everybody’s hair in the history of ever. Yours Jamie is always a fire and Claire, you constantly have escaping curls.” I said “but I guess that’s better than the last book, The Fiery Cross, where Diana was obsessed with describing every detail about every dirty diaper, or clout as you call them, that adorable little angelic Gem produced. Forget about the obsession with lactating breasts…..and sex with, around, and about lactating breasts…..and the sticky aftermath. I couldn’t even come back and talk to you about it, any review I tried to write just came out dirty, and not always in a good way.”
“That sounds disgusting.” Said Claire. “At times it was” I said.
“Well, I better get this thing back to its owner before he misses it. I’m not scared of the guy, he likes to pretend he’s evil and all by wearing fake felt mustaches….but he doesn’t fool me.” I said, and then set the time mower for home instead of Kansas; if Kemper wants his time mower back he’ll just have to come to Ohio and get it.
“Haahaa ha…..Mwa ha ha……MWAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAA!!!” I did enjoy this book more than the previous one. It's a 3.5. There was a new time traveler from her time that enter the story and I was disappointed with how the author handled this character. There was a potential there for something really interesting and she decided to make the character boring instead. But overall it was entertaining.