Stephanie's books and other things

Is every book set in Ohio?

This is the second book in a row that I have read set here in Ohio. The first one,Knockemstiff, was most excellent; Weird Sisters I’m sorry to say was shit. This book was just, beyond words, sucky. Gack! I even finished it because I wasn’t going to let it beat me.

Here’s the clever premise. Three sisters by the names of Bianca, Cordelia , and Rose (short for Roselyn? I just don’t care) are born to a family who can’t stop reading…..ever. They are born to parents whose names I don’t recall (and I don’t care), in a fictional town of Barnwell, Ohio, home to Barnwell college (university? I don’t care). Why the author didn’t pick an actual small town university (Ohio has 194 colleges and universities) like Oberlin? I do not know. That would have been the perfect setting for this book, and it would have made it a little more interesting………anyway.

The dad is a professor at Barmwell, and reads nothing but Shakespeare, and quotes it in every possible moment like Rainman. The guy answers all questions with a Shakespearean quote……..EVERY FRICKEN ONE! It gets really annoying. Oh, did I mention that the three sisters are named after Shakespearean characters? Duh, of course they are. They mention how guys would make fun of them on dates when they figured out the connection. Oh please! I’m going to say at least 65% of Ohioans have never read Shakespeare at any length, and I think that generous. Of those who have 98% do not have Shakespeare at the forefront of their brains enough to say “hey, are you named after the Cordelia in that Shakespeare play?” nuh-uh. I would be more apt to ask “hey, are you named after Cordelia from Buffy?”

All three sisters are unlikeable. Each character is so flat and not fleshed out that I have no clue what they looked like, and I don’t care. All through the book the author kept reminding us that these people read a lot of books and constantly quote Shakespeare (I GET IT!) , they are elitists.

Stupid, stupid, stupid……..I want those six hours back please.

Meditation is hard.

Sitting still and concentrating on your breathing and not thinking of anything else might not sound that hard, but it is. Try this......

Sit in an upright position (Indian style, criss cross applesauce....whatever they call it these days) someplace where you won't be disturbed Close your eyes, and as you breath through your nose concentrate on the tip of the nostrils and count each breath until you get to ten......and DON'T think of anything else, and don't fall asleep. Getting to 4 is a challenge!

I decided I was going to make an effort to meditate on a daily basis. What it does for you is helps you achieve 'mindfulness', basically staying in the present moment during the rest of the time you're not meditating. It's brain exersicing. I know this sounds new age-y, but hear me out, pay attention to your thoughts at any given moment. They are nutty, and almost always about the past or the future. That on the surface doesn't sound that bad until you realize thinking about the past usually brings sorrow or regrets.......paths not taken....... and since the past is fixed there's no point to the torture. The future is usually about fear and worry, which doesn't do anything for you either. Staying present in the moment is loads better.

So, now on my break I go to the local park to do the meditation thing. Some days are better than others. Today? Not so good. It went like this......

Breath....1........
Breath.....2........I didn't think anything, good, Crap that was a thought! Start over.

Breath......1.........
Breath........2.........
Breath.......3........[flash of a women dancing and laughing] WTF? That was a strange image, I should that in the review......AWE COME ON! ......starting over.....

Breath.......1.........
Breath........2.......

Z
Z
Z
Z
Z
Z
Z

*thunder*

.........WHAAAAT? Okay, I'm giving up.

This book was a pretty good introduction to Buddhist Philosophy. It was part biography of the author as well, telling his story about owning a bunch of companies and how all the stress of it nearly killed him. He turned to meditation after his doctor recommended it. This is worth listening to more than once.

I’m going to catch Hell for this………..

The Bible is the most boring book ever written. Ever.

This book has some very interesting observations and conclusions, but the author admitted he was delving into the minutia of the Bible but that he just couldn’t help himself, he then stated “I’m going to stop that now.” Soon after a few cogent points, he was right back at it. God love him.

Bart D. Ehrman knows his stuff when it comes to religion and the Bible, in particular. The guy has more degrees on religious studies than a hooker has one night stands, so when he makes a statement about Jesus and/or the Bible, I tend to believe him ‘cause I sure as Hell am not going to read the thing myself. He does, so I don’t have too.

What Ehrman does here is to take all the books of the Bible, Mark, Luke, John, Phil (just checking if you were paying attention.) and lines them up horizontally. Most of the time, when a person reads the Bible (usually when having major insomnia) they read it one book after the other. That makes perfect sense, and when you read it that way you don’t see anything odd. But when you line the books up next to each other you see discrepancies, major ones, like the actual day of Jesus’ death.

Discrepancies should not be a big surprise to most people. The Bible was written a really fricken long time after Jesus died. Decades AFTER the apostles were dust. The only source of information about Jesus’ story was through oral tradition…..ever play the telephone game? Then one day ‘someone’ wrote it all down; but who? The apostles were illiterate (in the Bible) and very, very dead. Mark, Luke, John and Phil did not write their own books.

Other interesting tid bits…..

1. Jesus was not born in Bethlehem, he was born in Nazareth. Why would you travel to birth your son with some cows and chickens and some creepy old wise men just to turn around and go back home? Because, you need to line up a prophecy that the messiah was to be born in Bethlehem. Insert deity here.

2. Jesus never claimed to be God.

3. Homosexuality was not condemned in the Bible as a bad thing simply because the concept of homosexuality did not exist in those times. I know what you’re thinking “But Stephanie, what are you talking about? Gay people have always been around, making the place better.” True. Men slept with men and women with women in those days just as they do now, but it wasn’t vilified. It was not even in their thought bubble that it was wrong. Sexual orientation was not even a concept until the 19th century. It’s true. So it was never thought of as unusual until then.

Isn’t that fascinating?

This book was good, but all the nuts and bolts of the Bible made my head spin. I think this book is for the person who really, really believed(s) in the Bible and now maybe wanting to open their minds a bit to consider the possibility that It isn’t a perfect or infallible book……..just incredibly boring.

The corny title drew me to pick this book up initially. I thought "I bet this is really aweful, perfect for a scathing review." But it wasn't the case.

The author, Sean Stephenson, was born with a brittle bone disease. During his birth every bone in his body broke. The poor baby was shattered, born into excruciating pain. None of the doctors believed he would survive for long, but he did.

Because of his disease he had constant fractures through his childhood, and wherever these fractures happened that 's where he would have to stay. Fragil as he was, moving him would break more bones. So they would have to adapt everyday life around the situation, eating, sleeping, and...well other things, would happen right there in the very same spot. He never grew taller than three feet tall, and is confined to a wheelchair.

Sean went to college and got a degree in political science. Afterward, he landed an internship in the Clinton Whitehouse. Became an inspitational speaker, which led to a degree in psychology, leading Sean into being a therapist. He also has a very active dating life.

The next time you feel like whining about how hard life is, think about this guy...........take a moment, then STFU.

Much of what he said in this book has been said before, oddly though I got some of it this time in a way I hadn't before. Gratitude, for one thing, is something I understood intellectually, but I never truly knew what all these new-age people were getting at. But the author told a story about going out for a walk around the neighborhood, he started out in a good mood but then it took a turn as he looked around and he started focusing on all he didn't have. Didn't have that big house, that family (we all do this stuff) soon he was in a rotten mood. At this point he started thinking all that he did have, good friends, great job, and began to feel much better.

If you are grateful about what you do have, and who is in your life, it's is impossible to wallow in the stuff you don't have.

If you are feeling kind of crappy, like your life sucks and it couldn't get any worse, pick up a copy of Knockemstiff and give it a read. Soon you will be saying to yourself "Hmmm, well at least I'm not a crackhead, huffer, morbidly obesse whore, alcoholic or steroid user........I just can't stand my boss". (unless you are any of those things......my apologies.)

"I woke up thinking I'd pissed the bed again, but it was just the sticky spot from where Sandy and Me fucked the night before.  Those kind of things happen when you drink like I do-you shit your pants in the Wal-mart, you end up living off some crackhead and her poor parents.  I raised the blankets up just a tad, traced my finger over the blue KNOCKEMSTIFF, OHIO tattoo Sandy had etched on her skinny ass like a road sign.  Why some people need ink to remember where they are from will always be a mystery to me."

Yep. That's how one of the short stories in this book, Holler starts out. All eighteen start out like this, shockingly yet beautifully. Wait until you read the first sentence of Dynamite Hole, I wouldn't dream of spoiling that little gem for you here. I read it while waiting to order at a restaurant, I'm not sure how long the waitress was standing there before I came out of my shock and realized she was standing there waiting for my response. I looked up at her and managed a "huh?"

I am an Ohioan, born and raised in the North/central part of the state. I moved around the state before I moved out of it entirely and around the country. After fourteen years of being a vagabond I ended up back where I started. I thought I knew pretty much everything there was to know about Ohio, but I had never heard of a town by the name of Knockemstiff, I would have remembered that. It's 167 miles directly to the south, after reading this book I think I'll take care to keep clear of it.

I enjoyed this book completely, I was very impressed. I recommend it anyone who is feeling sorry for themselves.

I have read most of Augustin Burroughs books and I enjoyed all of them. I know there is controversy about the whether or not his memoirs are truly memoirs or not, I don’t care. If the book entertains me I don’t care if the author used a creative license here and there on parts of the book, especially if it improves the book, just as long as it’s not a total fabrication. Some of you might think I’m wrong and that’s fine.

So I get this book based on who wrote it. It is a self help book (usually annoying), but knowing the author I knew it would not be typical. It’s not. I was blown away by how much I liked it. I was pleasantly shocked by it. It’s candid, funny, cynical, and heartbreaking. It is not at all about positivity, double rainbows or unicorns that fart glitter, it is a straight forward “this is what happened to me, it sucked, and this is how I survived it.”

The book starts with Augsten in an elevator after a bad break up and looking every bit as unhappy as he was, when he has an unwanted encounter with a “People Person.” She told him “whatever it was it’s not that bad.” And that “all he had to do was smile and he would feel better.” I don’t know about you, but I really don’t like it when someone tells me to “Smile.” What I feel like doing when someone says that to me is to punch them in the throat. Augusten felt similarly, I think what he thought was “Die bitch.”

But he did question why that made him so angry, the lady was just trying to help him. He then immediately saw an article on his computer that stated a study that positive affirmations only work on people who are already positive. It makes things worse for those on the negative side. I thought……duh. So he decided to right a self help book for people like him, he certainly went through enough crap in his life to have enough material.

Here’s a list of the chapters.

How to ride an elevator
How to feel like shit
How to find love
How to be fat
How to be thin
How to feel sorry for yourself
How to be confident
How to fail
How to get the job
How to shatter shame
How to see the truth behind the truth
How to end your life
How to remain unhealed
Why having it all is not
How to get over your addiction to the past
How to be a good mental patient
How to make yourself uncomfortable (and why you should)
How to finish your drink
How to hold on to your dream (or maybe not)
How to identify love by knowing what it is not
How to live unhappily ever after
How to feel less regret
How to stop being afraid of your anger
How to be sick
How to lose someone you love
How to let a child die
How to change the world by yourself
This is why

My dream Democratic presidential ticket for 2016 would include Rachel Maddow. I’m thinking if Joe Biden doesn’t want to do it (and I don’t think he does) then Al Franken, John Stewart or Stephen Colbert should be the other half. That would be an entertaining and smart duo to run the country. Maybe Colbert would be the smartest pick since his satire is so genius it might fool a few on the right to vote for him.

Everyone should read this book. It’s a non partisan commentary, it takes to task the presidency itself and how it has changed from what the founders envisioned it to be. And it’s really fucking scary.

Let’s start off with the invasion of Granada, Operation Urgent Fury, (good God, does that mean I’m in a big damn hurry to be angry) in 1983. At that time I was way too deep in a fog of Aqua Net to be politically aware. I have a vague memory of it happening but the details were fuzzy. Apparently Ronald Reagan, during World War II, was in the military but was too near sighted to actually fight in it. He was given the job of “playing” a soldier in training films (produced by the military) and never left the studio back lot he had been working on since before he joined. He played a gung-ho-rata-tat-tat-shoot-em-up-bang-bang-gotcha soldier, and he liked it. When he got to the White House (early Alzheimer’s sadly was likely affecting him) he had that deep seeded need to be that macho cowboy soldier and wanted to get those Commies. In Granada he saw some Commies (possible-maybe-someday Commies) a military coup ousted a revolutionary government and became a bit touchy and unstable, ripe for Commies.

Regan new that he would never get congress to Ok a strike on Granada (because it was nutty) , so he did an end run around congress, went ahead with it, and told them it was happening when it was too late. Tip O’Neal was rightly pissed. From the very start of this nation no one person could declare war on another country. Congress has to OK such actions. But Regan didn’t think the president should bow down to congress, so he basically gave them the middle finger. This set a dangerous precedent.

Then there was Iran-Contra, where Reagan tried to get the ok from congress to take action to free hostages in Iran. Congress cut funding to the operation. Unable to take no for an answer, Regan decided to solicit other countries for money. One way of getting cash was by selling weapons, which he did to any country (no matter how sketchy) that would pay, like Saudi Arabia and Iran. WTF? He got caught and “communicated” his way out of the mess. Shocking.

Since, all of the following presidents have used their executive power to make war, against the founding fathers express instructions that no one person should be able to take the country into war. All (the current president does love his drones). It’s just too easy and no president wanted to give up that ability.

War sucks.

Currently the way we go to war (and it’s been perpetual for some time now) is insulated from the general public, unless you are a family member of a soldier. Troops are re deployed over and over, this has been devastating on their emotional health. In the first five years of the Iraq war the suicide rate of military personnel doubled. In the last ten years we have lost more troops to suicide then in combat. Something is wrong here. The Reserves are not used as reserves anymore, they are no longer civilian soldiers, and they are called up to war just as often as the regular military. We use contractors extensively. There are currently more contractors in Afghanistan then US military. They are not bound by the military for their conduct, they are paid better then the troops and we never hear of their deaths. It doesn’t affect us, so we don’t yell about it much.

Nuclear Bombs………you do not want to go into that particular stinky restroom, peeeeuuuuu.

-We have lost track of 11 nuclear bombs, and we keep track better than most countries. Yikes. Currently there is a nuclear bomb buried in a swampy field in Goldsboro North Carolina, it was too swampy to dig it out so they just left it there. Yay. Currently we have aging bombs in silos that we no longer remember how to fix properly, some have wing fungus.

It’s amazing to me each day we get through without becoming a giant smoking crater.

Here is the end of the epilogue which sums the whole thing up nicely.

“And finally there’s the Gordian knot of executive power. It needs a sword something fierce. The glory of war success will always attach itself to the president, so presidents are always be prey to the temptation to make war. That’s a generic truth of power, and all the more reason to take the decision making about war out of the hands of the executive. It is not one man’s responsibility. The “Imperial Presidency” malarkey that was invented to save Ronald Reagan’s neck in Iran-Contra, and that has played as high art throughout the career of Richard Cheney, is a radical departure from previous views of presidential power, and should be taught and understood that way. This is not a partisan thing. Constitutionalists left and right have equal reason to worry over the lost constraint of the executive. Republicans and Democrats alike have options to vote people into congress who are determined to stop with the chickenshitery and assert the legislators constitutional purgatives on war and peace. It would make a difference, and help reel us back towards balance and normalcy. None of this is impossible. This isn’t bigger than us. Decisions about national security are ours to make. And the good news is this isn’t rocket science, we don’t have to reinvent fogbank here, we just have to revive that old idea of America is a deliberately peaceable nation. That’s not simply our inheritance, it’s our responsibility.”

Just finished the third tale of Jamie and Claire in Voyager, I must admit it was my favorite so far.

……………Spoilers…………………………………..can’t write these and not have them………………………

Awe damn, not again. “Hello Claire, nice to see you yet again.”

“Stephanie? How did you end up here? I don’t see that strange vehicle you usually use to time travel.”

“I had to return the time mower. The owner was not amused by my ‘borrowing’ it. He mumbled something about a restraining order, hooligans and red heads; I must have mentioned Jamie and his kilt. Anyway, pretty sure the corn liquor has finally done some permanent damage. I have no idea how I ended up here, where ever and when ever here is. Fill me in Claire?”

“Well, we’re in Scotland in 1700’s, I came back to find the love of my life and baby daddy to my daughter Brianna. I found out through records that he survived a super bad battle I was sure he was killed in. We determined that time runs parallel by 200 years, give or take, so we both aged at the same rate which was handy.”

“How did you get back? Did you use the stones again Claire? I went to check them out right before I landed here. How do they work?”

“As far as I can figure, you have to focus on a certain person, place and time period, walk through the stones and WOOSH, with a little blacking out and vomiting you are when you want to be. You can even break the 200 year rule by doing that.”

“Are you sure the blacking out and vomiting aren’t from your excessive drinking you mentioned during our last visit? (Glug, glug, glug.) So, I must have gone through the stones when I was reading the third book about you and Jamie. I was focused on you, walked through the stones and here I am, feeling fine.”

“Wait, there’s a book out there about us? Weird.”

“I know, right? It was at the part where you were back in 1950ishes and you had your other husband help ‘relieve’ you of an overly heavy-with-milk breast in a way I found uncomfortable. You really didn’t do that………did you?”

“Yes I did Stephanie, it was so hot!”

“Claire! My god women that was for the baby!!”

“Oh Brianna had plenty.”

“Ewwww. Moving on, so what are you two up to this go around? I lost my book when I came across time.”

“Would you prefer the long version or the short? I’ve got all the time in the world.”

“Ha ha, very funny Claire, nice little time traveler joke, just the condensed version please.”

“Okay then. I go back and find Jamie. Lots of sex. I bring penicillin and photos with me. We live in a brothel for a while. Lots of sex. Jamie has a pet Chinese man who has a thing for women’s feet and creeps everyone out. Jamie is both a printer and a smuggler and his print shop is burned down. Lots of sex. Jamie’s nephew is kid napped and we get on a ship and go to the East Indies to look for him. Lots of sex. We run into people Jamie has met before, which is odd since we are way the fuck in the East Indies. Lots of sex. There are escaped slaves everywhere who practice voodoo. Lots of sex? They turn people into zombies whilst wearing crocodile heads on their heads…………”

“STOP! Just stop it Claire, I really can’t absorb this. Bringing photos and penicillin back to the 1700s? I’m sure that’s going to be fine (insert sarcasm here.) And the rest of it? Damn women you have a strange existence, time for me to leave.”
“Crap Claire! Please, for love of god and all that is holy help me get out of here.”

“Sure thing Stephanie…..first drink this bottle of brandy…..”

This book was fun. Crazy fun.

Reasons I chose to read this book.

1. I like the song.
2. I liked the cover.
3. Favorable reviews on GRs.
4. Free download from the library.

But I would not have chosen to read the book solely on the synopsis of this book. Reading about pregnant teens is not my firs choice. So imagine my surprise at how much I loved this book. The story is told in dual perspectives.

Jill MacSweeney was once an outgoing girl with lots of friends and a boyfriend, Dillon. She turns inward, and pushes her friends, Dillon and mother, Robin, away after she lost the one person who understood her, her father. One day Jill’s mother decides she wants to adopt a baby and she feels as if her mother is trying to replace her father.

Enter Mandy Kalinowski, a teenage girl, pregnant and desperate to get away from her life. I don’t blame her, she had a mother who did not want her and told her so at every turn. Mandy’s mother had boyfriend after boyfriend, and Mandy had to move in with and adjust to each one.

Both girls’ lives needed some saving.

This book was moving. It had the potential to be sappy, but it didn’t go there. It is hard to explain what made me love this book, the words are hard to find. I identify with Jill. I have a tendency to keep to myself and hold people at a distance sometimes. Maybe I should stop being like that.

Mandy was heartbreaking. Here’s a little bit of her……

About the 100th time someone yells at me to push. I think no. I would say it out loud if I thought I had the strength. I’d look at Robin and say it. I know what she’d say back, that I have to start saying yes. I have to start saying yes. I give my whole body to yes.

Yes to trust.
Yes to a new family.
Yes to hope.
Yes to staying.
Yes to my daughter.
Yes to me.
Yes.

This made me think. I need to start saying yes more. So I immediately said yes to a MaryKay party (I normally would have avoided at all costs) and had myself plastered with makeup. Not really my kind of thing, but I had fun and I didn’t look all that bad. Not remotely tart like. Glad I said “yes”.

I’m not putting any stars up on this book; I don’t think it’s fair since I could not go on with it. I listened to most of the audio book before I lost the will to live. I decided to give up with 3 hours left because life is short and there are so many good books out there……but I tried, I really did.

I was so bored with this. It’s about some people, not sure who was who, emigrating from the Soviet Union to the U.S. and Canada via Rome. It was so mundane.

It went something like this…..

Boris: Paulina, did you find an apartment?
Paulina: No
Boris: Why not?
Paulina: It was too hard. But I did go to the store and buy apples.
Boris: But you know I like pears better than apples.
Paulina: I know but pears are out of season.
Boris: Oh, why didn’t you say that you stupid women.

I wanted to scream. I’m sure that there are people out there who just loved this book; you may be one of them……sorry. I may be defective.

Life is too short to read boring books.

Fair warning, there may be some political views in this review which should not be surprising being that this book is the history of a government slaughtering a native people because they were simply in the way.

This book is a comprehensive history of the Native American from the moment when the white man showed up on this continent. It kind of goes a little like this.

White guys: “Hey y’all. Love the feathers! Wow its cold and we’re hungry; you wouldn’t be so kind as to help us out.”

Native Americans: Awe, they are just like little children. “Of course we’ll help. We’ll teach you how to hunt and fish and plant crops.”

White guys: “Thanks! By the way we would like to purchase some land from you, not much, just enough for us to live. What do you say?”

Native Americans: Purchase land? What do they mean by that? Everyone knows no one owns a part of mother earth. They are sooo adorable. “Alright you can purchase some land” snicker “How do we go about this?”

White guys: “Well, we will give you some shiny things, trinkets and bobbles and you will sign a piece of paper that says this land ours and that you will stay off of it.”

Native Americans: These guys hilarious, but just to keep the peace…….”Okay, deal. Bobbles and we shall sign this piece of paper. But what happens if we enter “your land”?

White guys: “We will kill you.”

Native Americans: Oh man! They can’t be serious after all the help we gave them; we saved their lives for cripes sake. “uh…..alright, just this once.”

White guys: “Guess what, we have more friends coming and we need a little more land. Sorry, won’t happen again, but if you don’t hand it over we will kill you.”

Native Americans: WTF? “Hey, you lied to us! You said you wouldn’t do this again yet here you are. You’re not so cute anymore white guys.” Shit. “We’ll compromise THIS once, but don’t you let it happen again!”

This happened over and over again. The white man took land, slaughter Indians and the Indians would compromise to avoid war. Many Native American leaders really liked the whites and tried hard to be friends. But some asshat white guys would blow it and more death would happen. Finally some Native American leaders said “ENOUGH!” And went to war, but by then it was too late and they had their asses handed to them.

Thoughts while I read this…..

White guys = Republicans (ironicly still white guys)
Native Americans = Democrates.

Sometimes lessons are never learned

Sacre Bleu: A Comedy d'Art is heavy on the blue and the art, but light on the comedy.

The book is set in the art scene of 19th century Paris, a fascinating time for the art world. Every artist of this era makes an appearance in Sacre Bleu, Mr. Moore did a ton of impressive research for this book.

The book begins with the end of Vincent Van Gogh’s troubled life, an apparent suicide by gunshot. But somehow Vincent gets himself to his doctor before his death for treatment, where he raves about the color blue. Lucien Lessard (fictional) a baker and aspiring painter and Henri Toulouse-Lautrec (real artist, fictionalized) become detectives into Van Gogh’s death, because it is odd that he tried to save himself right after trying to off himself, no matter how crazy he’d become.

It turns out there is a pattern. They find that almost all of their fellow artists have at one point been obsessed with a model, or muse, to the point that they have lost time and paintings. This includes Lucien who’s obsession is Juliette and for Henri it’s a beautiful laundress with red hair, whom you will see in Henri Touluse-Lautrec’s actual paintings. These muses are more than just beautiful people, they are one supernatural being called Blue. Blue and The Colorman, a troll like creature, make ultra marine blue (sacred blue) through a ritual that involves an artists painting, love, pain and sacrifice. This can leave the artist mad, or even dead like Vincent.

Here are a couple of passages I loved.

“An artist cannot let madness stop him from making art; he simply has to channel it.”

And

“They are not whores as they would be if they took a step outside, or as they will be when they are called down stairs by the madam, but they are nothing else either. They are between. Not what they used to be and not what they’ve become.”

I feel “between” all the time.

A thought I had as I read this. I make my living as an artist (I am not even close to the level as the artists portrayed in this book) and I draw people from life on a daily basis. One of the comments I get all the time is “this (talent) must be a gift from God.” This is always said in the spirit of good will, and is meant only in the most complementary way, but it has always bugged the crap out of me. What I do has nothing to do with some magical being in the sky sticking his finger into my brain and flipping some switch. It’s genetic and hard work, not magic. Shoot, I’d rather be really good at something more lucrative, truth be told.

But this book makes art into magic, the magic of the color blue. I wonder if Christopher Moore was playing with the idea that most people (who can only draw stick figures) look upon those with talent as if they have some magic, or does he himself feel that way.

I am pleased he wrote this book about these artists, the impressionists, that's rare to find.

“Hello there! Aren’t you Winnie the Pooh? I’m a big fan.”

“Yes I am. How do you know me?” Asked Pooh.

“There have been many books written about you and your friends. The most recent one is about how you are a western Taoist.”

“Oh.”

“A western what?”

“Taoist” I said, “it’s very hard to explain, I’m no expert. In fact the whole book was about the author trying to explain it to you, and you would say “oh.”

“Oh.” Said Pooh.

“From what I understand you are an un-carved block.”

“Oh” said Pooh.

“An un-carved what?”

“I know, I don’t entirely get it either. “ I said”something about how you are not very smart, therefore you don’t over think things like Rabbit.”

“Oh” said Pooh.

“You enjoy the day and blow off any important things you really should be doing, and listen to the birds chirp simply because it’s a nice day.” I said “in Taoism procrastination is good, my kind of philosophy. But I’m sure it’s more complicated than that.”

“Oh.” Said Pooh.

“I was about to go get some honey, it’s my favorite thing.” Said Pooh “would you like some…..uh…..what is your name?”

“Stephanie, and thanks Pooh, I would love some.”


What this little book made me want to do is read the Winnie the Pooh books by A. A. Milne. I wonder if he was trying to write these stories to illustrate Taoist philosophies, if so, he was more of a genius than I previously thought.

Cute book, I listened to the audio version and it was well read.

The first time I read The Stand I was home sick from school with some illness, the German measles I think. Maybe not a good time to be reading a book about a super flu, but I was young and not so bright.

This had to have been in 1981 or so, because that’s the year MTV debuted, back then they played music videos on Music Television and probably had about ten or so they kept playing over and over. Well, I’m on the pull out couch in the family room with MTV playing (it made me feel better to see the guys from Journey), and reading The Stand, half listening to MTV when this (very 80's)video I hadn't seen before comes on.

The Stand

This was very surreal. I was feverish and the words I was reading like “The walkin’ dude” and “Trashcan Man” were coming out of the TV machine. It was very strange……as strange as The Alarms hair. Did you notice the painting of the flower he did looks just like the hair. Amazing…….I kind of like the painting.

I loved the book and it has been one my favorites list ever since. I always wanted to re-read it, but it was so darn long, and there are so many books out there to read. Thirty years later they release the audio version and I was excited, not only to revisit the book but to hear it on audio,(yay) and I was not disappointed. The Stand still remains on my favorites list. But since it had been so long since I first read it, I forgot most of it. It was like a whole new book.

The government develops a biological weapon, a super flu (project Blue) , nick named Captain Tripps, that is inadvertently released and kills 99% of the human population along with most of the dogs and horses. The cats survive (they always do). Here I have to ask the question, why would a government develop such a weapon when It kills most everybody…….even the guys on your side, and you?

The people who survive start to have crazy dreams. One is about a very old African American women, Mother Abigail, in Nebraska who calls on the people to come see her and then to travel to Boulder Colorado. The other is a nightmare about a mysterious fella named Randell Flagg, aka The Walkin’ Dude or the Dark Man who draws them to Los Vegas. Randell is not just bad; he is pure evil, while Mother Abigail is the instrument of God. The survivors pick their side, and there is a good old fashion show down between good and evil. What could go wrong?

King develops strong, memorable characters in this book. He also writes horrifyingly memorable scenes like a trip through the Lincoln Tunnel in New York, dark and stuffed to the brim with rotting corpses. That is not one of the things I forgot.

A few minor things bugged me in this version. Stephen went back later on and added pages to the book that were cut by the publishers, which I am happy with. But, in an attempt to update the book, he moved the time period up from 1980 to 1990. This made a few things awkward, such as a scene about the shootings at Kent State University. The reasons for the shooting were changed from being about war protest to protesting the detainment they were under because of the flu. This worked in the original version because it was closer in time period of the shootings at KSU. Being set in the 90’s it made no sense.

Also, King was in love with the word “pillion”, it means to ride behind the driver of a motorcycle. He used it as much as he could. He also described people’s knee joints popping when squatting, or getting up from a squat, many times. One time would have been just fine.

Love the book. Now I’m off to buy hand sanitizer.

This book was rather dry. With the title being fear I kind of expected it to be more dramatic. Not so much.


In this book Mr. Gardner reveals to us that the stuff we are scared of, most of the time is really not what we should worry about. He points out how the news media will pick up a story and run with it because it is sensational. Fear sells. Then we will get all paranoid about it. I could have told you that.


Pesticides for example, are not all that bad, because what we ingest is not enough to harm us. They have been demonized, but without them we would all be dying from malaria. What doesn’t kill you just makes you stronger, but I think if you can at all possible to avoid pesticides, why not?


Cancer is another thing on our minds. He points out that we are living longer than we ever have, and with increased age the odds of getting cancer increases as well. Instead, we worry chemicals are causing the increased cancer. The problem is that everything is a chemical; just some are man made and most are not. Chlorine is a chemical and some people talk about removing it from the drinking water…..bad chemical…..bad! What that would do is cause widespread death from diseases such as diphtheria.

Diphtheria kills children. Which brings me to a point that was not brought up in the book, vaccination. People in this country have kind of lost their noodles over vaccinating their children. The reason for this was someone somewhere linked autism with vaccination. This has never been proven. But a whole bunch of parents have refused to vaccinate their children for fear of autism. “Hello un-vaccinated child.” Said diphtheria.

Diphtheria + child = dead

Vaccination + Child = Alive child with maybe, but not likely, autism.

Terrorism. Another thing we all fear (well, except me). The odds of getting killed in a terrorist attack in very very very small, yet we spend a shit ton of money on counter terrorism. This money would be better spent on universal health care. By not wasting the cash on anti terrorism, and covering everybody medically, the country would save so much money.

This review will be somewhat of a spoiler. Don’t read it unless you’ve read the book or don’t want to. You have been warned.


“Poof……….and you’re gone.”

This was a line in the book that described death, sudden death in particular. It’s sounds just about right to me. It is exactly that. One moment there was a person, full of life, and then the next moment that person ceases to exist. It’s a difficult thing to wrap your head around.

In Looking for Alaska there is a sudden, stupid death and I thought John Green told that story perfectly. The reactions of the characters were spot on. Shock, horror, disbelief, anger all come first, mostly its disbelief. In fact, so spot on that it took me right back to a time when this happened to me. It felt like John grabbed a hold of my shoulders and pushed me back in time twenty years. One of the characters said something like “No, no….you’re lying . He/she isn’t dead, their playing a joke. It’s not possible their dead, stop lying to me.”

I said the same thing to the coroner.

Shit like that will change a person. The change is immediate and it’s permanent. I am not the same person I was before that moment, that girl is dead and gone. A big piece of me is missing…….and in many ways I’m a stuck back there. Which brings me to my one complaint about Looking for Alaska, I thought these characters (I’m trying not to use names, so that I don’t completely ruin it) seem to get back to their scampery and pranks a tad too soon for my taste. I didn’t buy that they would even care about that kind of stuff anymore. But then again, it makes for a better book, having things happen.

Overall, this is a very good book and I recommend it to everyone.